I don’t think I can honestly describe how important being sexual and having a sex life is to me.
This time a year ago, to say I was a bundle of nerves would be an understatement.
I was more than nervous – I was terrified and excited at the same time.
Terrified because of the potential that I couldn’t and excited at the possibility that maybe I could.
I can’t describe that feeling during sex or solo play, it is just like nothing else in life. It isn’t always great either, sometimes it is just a little meh, it really does come down to how you are feeling I reckon.
At least for me anyway.
As I wrote in April last year, discovering sexual freedom and sexual ability really changed such a big part of how I felt about myself as a person. I could have lived with not being able to have sex and not being able to orgasm, but boy it would have been a really tough pill for me to swallow.
It just felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders, relief that after so many years wondering I finally knew that I could, and then discovering just how enjoyable it was.
Sex, even though I am somewhat limited in what I can do in the bedroom, is up there with the most powerfully good feeling that I have ever had.
In the last year since losing my virginity so many of the “what ifs” surrounding my sexual abilities have been answered, and if not for this experience I wouldn’t have discovered masturbation.
One of the things I revealed back in April was that prior to losing my virginity I had never masturbated, so therefore had never felt anything sexual at all. Physically I couldn’t, still can’t today, but through the experience of sex for the first few times and a little experimentation and research, I have found a way to discover sexual pleasure all on my own and today I can experience that every single night if I want.
To some, writing a blog of this nature will be a little offensive, to me it has always been a subject I have been quite passionate about.
Disability and sex is something I really think needs to be talked about a little more.
Whilst my sex life isn’t exactly booming, the greatest thing about the last year has been the knowledge in me that I actually know I can now.
To sit here on January 15th 2015, a year on from that question of if I could or not being answered, is something I am very very proud of. Not a single regret.