My Thoughts On Depression and Online Bullying

The only advice I can give is to talk to somebody if you are feeling blue. Talking helps, sometimes it doesn’t take the issue away, but it is a start.

It’s just a sentence, and I feel like I should type so much more for my intro to this blog.


But as someone who himself has been bullied, I know how tough that can be. I don’t ever say that I suffered depression, but there was a time when I came dangerously close to what I call “going down that road”, it was awful and the second I began feeling all the joy of those things I loved in life starting to fade, I stopped and really tried to make a change right there and then. I couldn’t talk about it for so long, but now I openly admit to it, both the mistakes I made in dealing with that “brick” as I called it, and how hurt and broken down I was feeling for a while.

Talking to somebody is absolutely paramount when life rocks you’re shackles. Personally, I consider various times in my life which were tough and depressing valuable lessons, and lessons which I still try and draw from today.

The year of 2012. That’s all I ever need to say. That was my big test in life, an entire year which ate away at me like a cancer in my mind. It changed my behavior too, which I hated.

Sad, depressed, angry, bitter, frustrated, all those words could describe the headspace I was in. I just felt rejected in my mind, no real reason really, it was just that way. What makes me disappointed the most whenI look back is the choices that I made dealing with it all. I kept it to myself, as best I could anyway. There were a few who knew how I was feeling, but no one ever knew the full extent of my situation. In its most basic form, the one thing I wanted was out, to give up on fighting my disability. I wasn’t alone, or isolated from people, I had plenty of people around me, but it wasn’t going to change until I made a change myself.

The change I made was in my mentality. Ok, I didn’t achieve the goals I wanted too, but life is not always about achieving everything you set out to, because some things (ie my disability) will never change. The change in mentality was positive, but with it came some tough decisions, most of which I am glad I made, but a couple that I deeply regret. Losing the girl behind my novel HEADLINE and the “real” Chloe Summers for example.

So in conclusion, a lot has been spoken about depression and bullying in the last week following Charlotte Dawson’s death in Sydney.

Frankly, it is just a sad story, one which will never have a positive too it. Why wasn’t the media taking up this issue before now? Why didn’t Keisha Castle Hughes come out about her depression earlier? Why didn’t TVNZ have their own talent read out the bullying social media messages before Charlotte’s death? But my bigger question is this, and I already know the answer, but why is this issue which has been so big for so long only now getting the attention that it is, because a celebrity died? Or because of the story behind it? It all feels so UN moralistic, but so much of journalism is about the facts, not the morals.

The fact is this, a woman lost her life at such a young age, it’s tragic, and no matter how or why this happened, I really hope all the “trolls” out there (both famous and non famous) have learnt a lesson which shouldn’t have needed to be learnt in the first place.

Don’t bully. Ever.

And finally, I just want to give a big ups to Jonathan Marshall for his tribute in the Herald on Sunday. Personally, I enjoyed his tribute. Love him or hate him, I don’t care. He is a person too, with feelings just like you and me. I just wish a few people on Twitter realized that.



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